I had a lovely weekend away in Brussels last month, and took this photo of the canal in Bruges. Living on water as I do, I love seeing different waterways and rivers, and had a thoroughly nice time living in the flow!

Living in the flow and the power of insights

I share a lot in my work about living in the flow of life as it shows up vs living in the endless streams of thoughts in our heads. When we have less on our minds it leaves so much more space for powerful insights to show up. And there’s such a different feeling and energy between that and our intellect.

In my experience, an insight is something that comes to you not from your personal thinking or knowledge, or problem solving, but from a deeper, quieter space of inner, or innate, wisdom. It comes with a different feeling of clarity, a knowing, and more like a fresh thought that bypasses old thinking, opinions or beliefs, and feels instinctively right.

Navigating life by insights = much less pressure

The wonderful thing about insights is that they don’t involve any feeling of pressure. They come from thoughts that feel inspired rather than those uncomfortable ones with lots of thinking attached to them. Those ‘should’ thoughts, I should be doing x, y or z ones, or those ‘what if’ thoughts, followed by diving head long into future worst case scenarios.

And because I see that insights come to us, not from any of that noisier thinking, but more in the form of quieter, inner nudges, out of the blue new ideas, it’s been so liberating to see it’s not all on us to make something happen or force action. The very opposite of all that conditioning that tells us if something is going to change or needs doing it’s all on us, or takes hard work, or is inherently pressurised. Gosh what a stressful way that is to live.

Instead of all that I’ve come to see that we work in a much kinder way than that. It’s not not up to us, but trusting in a quieter state of mind to bring us what we need through that quieter knowing, fresh insights, is without doubt a far nicer way to experience life.

Invitation – Tuesday 16 April 6.00-7.00pm UK

I’ve had my own fresh insight today to open up this conversation further. It’s one thing to read about something, and quite another to see how it might play out for us personally. To get an experiential understanding that moves the dial in our day to day lives.

So, before the voice of my should (thinking) gets noisier than my knowing (inspiration), here’s an invitation for you….

It links to my last two nudges on habitual thinking and changing your mind, both of which seem key when wanting to trust in, and follow, our inner knowing more. And we all know that quieter voice of knowing vs the often much louder noise of habitual thinking!

Let’s get together on a Zoom webinar and chat about ‘Turning down the noise on habitual thinking and upping the volume on inner knowing and insights’… with the major side benefit (I’m often told by clients) of freeing up a heap of our time!!

If you have some habitual thinking that is regularly taking up too much of your headspace, and would like to experience less of that and some fresh insights, then I think you’ll enjoy this conversation. If that sounds good, and you’re feeling that quieter nudge to join, then I’d love to see you on Tuesday 16 April 6.00-7.00pm UK. Just send a quick RSVP back and I’ll send you the Zoom link. And if you have any questions, do ask away. Otherwise I look forward to seeing you then.

Have a great rest of your week.

All the very best for now

Tamsin

If you want to ‘live more in your life and less in your thoughts’ this year then I share more in my Living in the Flow mini series. Just click on the link and you’ll receive a short nudge over the next 7 days. See it as your quiet moment of reflection to start off your day, help keep you on track, and minimise any habitual thinking.

Happy New Year

This was sunrise this morning at my mother’s home in Berkshire, and I raced upstairs to capture it out of the window. Having been pondering a New Year nudge, it immediately made me think of a fresh, new day in this brand New Year, and spurred me on to write. I hope you’ve had a good first week of 2024.

Thought is great…thinking is overrated

This thought has been playing around my edges this week as I’ve wondered what might be helpful to share.

As you’ll know from previous nudges (if you’ve been around for a while) I see Thought as a wonderful tool that helps us all to navigate life. Its very nature is neutral, ever changing and transitory, and will come and go unless our personal thinking breathes life into it…or gives one thought a particular meaning over another. Thus it can be used for or against ourselves, and when it’s the latter it can be less than helpful.

And I’m talking about when our thinking takes us off down rabbit holes of overthinking situations, or endless back and forths of problem solving, or making decisions, which can so often end up with increasing worry, anxiety and stress levels. And once we’re on those stirred up trains of thought we can quickly find ourselves going in the wrong direction.

Give the train to stirred up thoughts a miss

So how to stop all that this year. My message is simple (albeit not so simple to always put into practice…) give the train to stirred up thoughts a miss. Just like we can choose a train to a place where we’d like to go – the destination – and where we might get off en route. The train will pass through many thought stations, some we might want to jump off at and spend some time and others we don’t fancy, but it’s up to us to decide to jump off or not. And even if we do get off and find out we don’t like it, we can always take a different connection, or get on a new thought train.

Feeling vs thinking your way this year

Journeys used to feel so much easier when I knew where I was going, and I used to be a past master at needing to know! But these days, it’s so much nicer to simply head in the direction of what I feel like and then see what shows up. Take a step and then see what next step is revealed as I go. Trusting how I feel, rather than think, to guide me.

As I’ve shared in previous nudges, I’ve learnt we all have a natural, inbuilt guidance system that’s constantly on. That feeling of knowing, clarity, innate wisdom coming in real time, when our next step is just obvious. Living from that feeling rather than noisy, stressful thinking is way more preferable – not to mention reliable even if we can’t exactly control when we’ll know!

And you’ll know the difference between knowing and thinking you know by the way it feels. The latter tends to feel tight and constricted where the former feels spacious, enlivening and just right!

I hope you’ll tune more into your ‘knowing’ signal, inner GPS, this year, while enjoying the gift of Thought for what it is.

Until the next time, wishing you (and the world…) a more peaceful, gentle and joyful New Year.

All the very best for now

Tamsin

If you want to ‘live more in your life and less in your thoughts’ this year then I share more in my Living in the Flow mini series. Just click on the link and you’ll receive a short nudge over the next 7 days. See it as your quiet moment of reflection to start off your day, help keep you on track, and off the train to stirred up thoughts!

It’s been a while again since my last nudge, and I hope you’re keeping well. I don’t know about you, but, in these current times, I have found myself craving quieter moments, and am ever conscious and grateful for the freedoms available to me, which sadly, so many others in our world do not experience.

This nudge has been percolating for a while now as I notice more and more how hard it seems for people to listen to one another.

Habitual vs quieter listening

We all have habitual ways of listening, me too, and it was a revelation for me to learn I was not as good a listener as I thought! The following are some of those habitual ways:

listening to evaluate

I used to think it was an important part of my work to listen to evaluate…to analyse what a person said and then advise on strategies or techniques, or ‘how tos’ that would help the person to take action on whatever they wanted to change or was keeping them stuck.

Similarly, in my personal life often listening resulted in my own internal conversation going on at the same time: whether I agreed/disagreed with them, making assumptions and judgements on what they were saying, having critical thoughts or sharing ‘I know just how you feel’ similar stories!

listening for information

Intently listening for information, to take notes, to research and memorise what is being said. Absolutely fine as part of a learning process, but less useful when wanting to connect with people at a deeper level.

listening when distracted

Boy do I see this everywhere! What I call half listening when people are seemingly listening to you, but busy doing something else at the same time! Or they are preoccupied with what’s going on in their own heads…easily spotted as they tend to interrupt more, try to finish your sentences, or are in a hurry for you to finish or change the subject.

listening to diagnose

As a coach, I do not diagnose, but in the field of mental health listening to diagnose is common place. For me, I’ve come to see there’s a huge difference between listening to diagnose, based on a premise that people need fixing in some way, and listening for mental health…seeing that all people have an innate wellbeing and wisdom inside them, and pointing them in that direction, which allows the space for their own fresh thinking and insights to occur.

listening through our own filters

This is a biggie! And so often sub consciously happening whether we know it or not. Similar to listening to evaluate, conditioned patterns of thinking and habitual beliefs and values can hinder us from seeing another person as they really are. Rather, we see them through our own ideas of who we ‘think’ they are, sometimes long held and unquestioned. It is fascinating to scrub all that and meet someone afresh…believe me, I’ve seen miraculous things happen as a result!

Listening with nothing on our minds

I’ve come to see there is a different way to listen. It involves getting quiet enough to drop out of our own, often busy, thinking, and listen with nothing on our minds…to listen with ‘both ears’ as I heard it put recently.

In my own experience, I cannot over estimate the benefits of this kind of listening. It leads to a greater understanding and appreciation of the other person’s world. We get to connect at a much deeper level…heart to heart as the phrase goes…and we all know how it feels to be heard and understood in this way.

And ultimately it can help lead to a shift in consciousness that goodness the world needs to see more of at the moment…..

Being present as the route to better listening

As I’m often sharing, we’re either living in our life, present to what shows up in any moment, or we’re living in our thoughts. The more present I am when listening to someone, the greater the feeling of connection and understanding. From that space, of feeling truly heard and understood, the other person naturally gets their own new perspectives and fresh insights, which is an incredibly helpful and hopeful way to live.

Listening to yourself

A wonderful by product of noticing how you tend to listen, and choosing to listen differently, is that you can also start listening to yourself the way you’d like others to listen to you.

So, what do you think your habitual way of listening is, what rings true for you, and how might you choose now to listen differently? As always, I’d love to hear what you notice!

And, as one of my older mentors says, ‘everyone could do with a damn good listening to‘, and if that appeals to you, then do get in touch.

Until the next time, all the very best for now.

Tamsin

PS If other people spring to mind as you read through these different ways of listening, then do feel free to pass this nudge along to them! 😉

I received some really insightful thoughts and comments on my last nudge ‘What Makes a Problem a Problem‘. So interesting that we all come from our own unique perspective when considering this question, which, for me, only serves to underline how much we live in our own separate, thought created realities.

No one reality

I remember well the day I truly saw that there is no one reality out there that we’re all responding to during one of my coach trainings many moons ago. Up until then I just assumed if certain situations or circumstances arose that we all experienced them in a similar way. Of course with our own unique flavour, but very much from a belief, or ‘given’, that certain things were definitely a problem…such as being short of money, or having a relationship breakdown, or a health issue.

As one of my readers commented:

“One person’s problem can be another person’s non-issue. There is sometimes an action to take to nudge it along, but it’s amazing how much naturally sorts itself even if it’s not to everyone’s original design.“

And that’s been very much my experience too.

Where do you spend your time?

This got me thinking about another question I often ask in my work: where do you spend your time?

I’m not talking about where you physically spend your day to day life, but where you tend to spend most of your time mentally.

As the strapline says on my nudgeme website, we’re either living in our life or living in our thoughts, and the extent to which we spend time in either dictates the quality of our lives.

Missing from the moment

Put simply I’ve come to see that the more we find ourselves caught up in our thinking – and I should say innocently so, it’s not something we can control – the more we wind up ‘missing from the moment’.

For instance, have you ever taken a walk to clear your head, but found that by the time you got home you haven’t really been in the moment, in the present, aware of your surroundings? Then at another time, you’ve been more relaxed, in a better state of mind and spotted all kinds of things you didn’t notice previously. Nothing has changed about the walk, it’s just with a clearer head, less on your mind you’ve had a completely different experience.

Life is kinder than our imagination

As the comment above suggests ‘it’s amazing how much naturally sorts itself’ when we leave our thinking alone. I’ve come to see that if an answer to something is needed it’s more likely to come when your mind settles down vs going back and forth with imagined future scenarios. And it’s from that quieter state of mind that the thoughts can feel very different. Those out of the blue ones that just feel fresh and new and just right for the situation at hand.

I’m not saying that using our intellect can’t be helpful, but you’ll always know when it’s less so by the way it feels. When you start to feel stressed, or anxious or finding it hard to sleep or however this manifests for you, that’s the signal to leave your thinking alone as best you can. Trust that something will come to you from a calmer state of mind.

Kindness in our design

As I always say, please don’t take my word for it, test it out for yourself.

I now see that there’s kindness in our design, and that uncomfortable feelings are a useful guide, letting us know when we’re getting too caught up in our thinking. And nothing needs to change on the outside for that to happen, which makes for a much easier and nicer way to live.

So where do you spend your time? If it tends to be more in your thoughts, and you’re currently grappling with something, or feeling stressed, I hope you find this nudge helpful. And, as always, I’d love to hear from you.

Until the next time, have a good rest of your day, and all the very best for now.

Tamsin