I love this time of year watching all the baby ducklings living in the flow on the River.
Watching the news this morning I was nudged to write as I was struck by how so much of the reporting and comments seem to be arguementative. For me it seems to stem from an inherent view that there are fixed right and wrong ways to be, do and behave across the whole spectrum of life experiences, and how this can impact us all.
Perpetuates ‘shoulding’ and judging
Assuming there’s only one way to be, do or behave can lead to us spending so much of our lives ‘shoulding’ all over ourselves when we think we need to do things the ‘right’ way. Not to mention judging others, and more often ourselves, if we believe we have failed in some way.
Puts the breaks on creativity
If we believe that there’s a right way to do something we can waste so much time and energy thinking about that vs getting on and starting, or doing, what we want to do, create or achieve. In short, an over focus on trying to get things right can put the breaks on creativity, or stop us ever getting started in the first place!
Limits an open mind
My Pa used to regularly say to me “Don’t be so definite Tam”, which at times used to both confuse and frustrate me, especially when I was vehemently wedded to a view or belief I thought was right. “Surely it’s a good thing to have firm views on what’s right or wrong” I used to rail back.
Years later I came to see what my Pa meant. It was never about stifling me from having a view or opinion – in fact nothing was ever off the table, or out of bounds, in our chats and debates – it was about encouraging me to always stay open minded and curious vs having fixed views and beliefs about anything.
Truths and my truths
As you’ll know from my nudges, I’m more interested in what seems universally true for us all – call it Truths with a capital T. So for instance gravity is just a universal Truth for us all. We don’t spend much time thinking about the right way to not float into the air when we put our feet on the floor, we just accept that gravity is a constant and works the same way for everyone.
I’ve come to see it’s the same with Thought. We all have the capacity for Thought (the fact of Thought), which is constantly available to us. But we experience Thought via our own personal, variable thinking. And although it can feel very real and true for us, it is not a Truth or indeed the ‘right’ way to think for us all.
Seeing how we all work the same way at our core helps focus my mind on what we all have in common whatever our personal thinking might be. This has been transformative as it’s lead to a much greater understanding of people’s separate realities, and a kinder, nicer feeling experience.
Blocks fresh Thought and insights
Given the nature and power of Thought, being less definite makes so much more sense now. Not only because our personal thoughts are naturally fluid and ever changing, but because of our capacity for fresh Thought to come to us in any moment and spark new insights.
If we stay wedded to what we’ve come to see as right and wrong … or indeed good or bad etc … (so often innocently because of habitual thought patterns, or conditioned ideas we picked up) we can miss out on new experiences and opportunities, or stay stuck in old thinking vs responding afresh to life as it shows up.
Thus to stick rigidly to (aka be too definite about) old opinions, views, beliefs or even values because of it being deemed the ‘right’ way no longer makes any sense.
Description not a prescription
And of course, at the same time, I’m human and have my personal preferences. Sometimes I’ll agree with others’ worlds, and other times it can feel like we’re on separate planets. But knowing the nature and power of Thought in creating both our experience has helped me to be far less definite and more “tell me more” conversations.
For me, this is a description of how we work and experience life not a prescription on how we choose to live, or what to personally believe etc…we all have free will to think whatever we want.
As I always say, please don’t take my word for it…rather see what rings true for you. I hope it sparks some fresh thoughts, and if you feel nudged to share them I’d love to hear from you.
Have a lovely day and all the best for now
Tamsin
My dear wish this year is for more people to trust how well they naturally work, and free themselves from the tyranny of overthinking. So if that resonates with you here’s some ways to do that.
1 Sign up to my living in the flow mini series of 7 short nudges to experience life in a simpler easier way.
“Looking back now, I can see how far I’ve come; how much easier and less stressful life has become living in the flow. I’ve moved from problem-focused, frustrating indecision and procrastination to easy, dynamic, motivated flow in all aspects of me and what I love to be and do.”
Cathy, Gloucestershire, UK
2 Free 30 minutes chat to get a fresh perspective
– a free 30 minutes call to get a fresh perspective on how well we work, and how that immediately changes life for the better
– invest a little time in you to create a whole new relationship with your thoughts, and give you greater freedom and peace of mind (2 spots available).