I love this time of year watching all the baby ducklings living in the flow on the River.

Watching the news this morning I was nudged to write as I was struck by how so much of the reporting and comments seem to be arguementative. For me it seems to stem from an inherent view that there are fixed right and wrong ways to be, do and behave across the whole spectrum of life experiences, and how this can impact us all.

Perpetuates ‘shoulding’ and judging

Assuming there’s only one way to be, do or behave can lead to us spending so much of our lives ‘shoulding’ all over ourselves when we think we need to do things the ‘right’ way. Not to mention judging others, and more often ourselves, if we believe we have failed in some way.

Puts the breaks on creativity

If we believe that there’s a right way to do something we can waste so much time and energy thinking about that vs getting on and starting, or doing, what we want to do, create or achieve. In short, an over focus on trying to get things right can put the breaks on creativity, or stop us ever getting started in the first place!

Limits an open mind

My Pa used to regularly say to me “Don’t be so definite Tam”, which at times used to both confuse and frustrate me, especially when I was vehemently wedded to a view or belief I thought was right. “Surely it’s a good thing to have firm views on what’s right or wrong” I used to rail back.

Years later I came to see what my Pa meant. It was never about stifling me from having a view or opinion – in fact nothing was ever off the table, or out of bounds, in our chats and debates – it was about encouraging me to always stay open minded and curious vs having fixed views and beliefs about anything.

Truths and my truths

As you’ll know from my nudges, I’m more interested in what seems universally true for us all – call it Truths with a capital T. So for instance gravity is just a universal Truth for us all. We don’t spend much time thinking about the right way to not float into the air when we put our feet on the floor, we just accept that gravity is a constant and works the same way for everyone.

I’ve come to see it’s the same with Thought. We all have the capacity for Thought (the fact of Thought), which is constantly available to us. But we experience Thought via our own personal, variable thinking. And although it can feel very real and true for us, it is not a Truth or indeed the ‘right’ way to think for us all.

Seeing how we all work the same way at our core helps focus my mind on what we all have in common whatever our personal thinking might be. This has been transformative as it’s lead to a much greater understanding of people’s separate realities, and a kinder, nicer feeling experience.

Blocks fresh Thought and insights

Given the nature and power of Thought, being less definite makes so much more sense now. Not only because our personal thoughts are naturally fluid and ever changing, but because of our capacity for fresh Thought to come to us in any moment and spark new insights.

If we stay wedded to what we’ve come to see as right and wrong … or indeed good or bad etc … (so often innocently because of habitual thought patterns, or conditioned ideas we picked up) we can miss out on new experiences and opportunities, or stay stuck in old thinking vs responding afresh to life as it shows up.

Thus to stick rigidly to (aka be too definite about) old opinions, views, beliefs or even values because of it being deemed the ‘right’ way no longer makes any sense.

Description not a prescription

And of course, at the same time, I’m human and have my personal preferences. Sometimes I’ll agree with others’ worlds, and other times it can feel like we’re on separate planets. But knowing the nature and power of Thought in creating both our experience has helped me to be far less definite and more “tell me more” conversations.

For me, this is a description of how we work and experience life not a prescription on how we choose to live, or what to personally believe etc…we all have free will to think whatever we want.

As I always say, please don’t take my word for it…rather see what rings true for you. I hope it sparks some fresh thoughts, and if you feel nudged to share them I’d love to hear from you.

Have a lovely day and all the best for now

Tamsin

My dear wish this year is for more people to trust how well they naturally work, and free themselves from the tyranny of overthinking. So if that resonates with you here’s some ways to do that.

1 Sign up to my living in the flow mini series of 7 short nudges to experience life in a simpler easier way.

“Looking back now, I can see how far I’ve come; how much easier and less stressful life has become living in the flow. I’ve moved from problem-focused, frustrating indecision and procrastination to easy, dynamic, motivated flow in all aspects of me and what I love to be and do.”
Cathy, Gloucestershire, UK

2 Free 30 minutes chat to get a fresh perspective

– a free 30 minutes call to get a fresh perspective on how well we work, and how that immediately changes life for the better

3 Transform your life package

– invest a little time in you to create a whole new relationship with your thoughts, and give you greater freedom and peace of mind (2 spots available).

It has been way too long since my last nudge, and I have no idea where time flies to! I do hope this year is going well for you. I know for me, I’ve certainly found myself a lot more pre occupied than usual given world events, and that’s always my sign to leave my thinking alone as best I can, hence being quiet for a while.

But today a thought came to me that felt helpful to share, hence this nudge, and it relates to trusting ourselves in difficult times. And when I say trusting ourselves I mean in the wider sense of how we all naturally work as human beings rather than our own personal ways of being or thinking.

Knowing we work inside out

For me and the people I work with we find ourselves regularly saying thank goodness we know we work inside out. This feels more important than ever right now, and is the foundation of all I share in my nudging and ‘living in the flow’ work. Having an understanding about the nature of Thought, and that we’re way more resilient than what we think, can be so helpful to even just consider.

At it’s simplest, there are two things, which seem to be universally true about the inside out understanding.

The first relates to the powerful, creative nature of Thought, which I spoke about in my last nudge. That our circumstances and world events happen, but it is our thinking about them that creates our internal experience of them. Knowing that thoughts come and go if we let them, and will always come with a feeling level that tells us if we’re using our thinking for or against ourselves, is so good to know. It means we get to catch ourselves more quickly before we jump on unhelpful trains of thought.

The second thing, which is harder to put into words, is seeing that we all have access to a deeper, innate, intelligent wisdom and resilience, which is always living us beyond any personal thinking. And just knowing that’s always accessible to us, especially in a quieter headspace, gives me hope that, even in the worst of circumstances, we can trust that deeper wisdom to have our backs.

Trusting how well we naturally work

It’s so interesting to me that the first thing we often do in difficult times is the very opposite of what’s helpful, and that is to get stirred up in our thoughts rather than trust how we naturally work. This seems to be so conditioned into us from early on that if something needs doing it’s up to us, or we should somehow always know the answers.

Instead, if we just give it a minute and let our mind get quiet it will naturally settle, leaving space for fresh Thought, and that quieter, common sense widom, to come to us in real time. From there, it’s so much easier to know how best to respond in the moment and/or take action where it makes most sense.

And we know when we’re in a quieter state of mind by the feeling we’re in … that’s our reference point we can rely on.

Fear of the unknown

So often it’s not the unknown we fear, but the imagined known, which can cause so much unnecessary worry. Looking more towards the constant of how we work, rather than the variable content of any thinking, can so help us to stay grounded when we feel fearful or uncertain about the future. We can’t know what we don’t in advance, but trusting that we have an innate wisdom we can rely on in the moment we need it makes the world of difference.

I really hope this has been a helpful nudge. As always, please don’t take my word for it, see what rings true for you.

All the very best for now

Tamsin

My dear wish this year is for more people to trust how well they naturally work, and free themselves from the tyranny of overthinking. So if that resonates with you here’s some ways to do that.

1 Sign up to my living in the flow mini series of 7 short nudges to experience life in a simpler easier way.

“Looking back now, I can see how far I’ve come; how much easier and less stressful life has become living in the flow. I’ve moved from problem-focused, frustrating indecision and procrastination to easy, dynamic, motivated flow in all aspects of me and what I love to be and do.”
Cathy, Gloucestershire, UK

2 Free 30 minutes chat to get a fresh perspective

– a free 30 minutes call to get a fresh perspective on how well we work, and how that immediately changes life for the better

3 Transform your life package

– invest a little time in you to create a whole new relationship with your thoughts, and give you greater freedom and peace of mind (2 spots available).

Well I’ve no idea how the whole of the summer has flown by here, and I’m only now writing this nudge. I spent part of it in North Devon where I took the photo above … just looking at it again now gives me that holiday feeling … do hope you managed some down time too.

The powerful nature of Thought

Feeling that holiday feeling now, whilst I’m sitting on my boat writing this, is such a reminder of the powerful nature of Thought. I’m obviously no longer on holiday and nowhere near North Devon, and yet thinking about it now engenders the same feeling.

It’s the same with whatever I’m focusing on in a given moment. If I’m thinking about holidays and happy times, it invariably engenders a nice feeling, whereas if I’m thinking about the wider state of the world, for instance, my feeling level can quickly drop. As a friend wrote to me recently it’s difficult not to despair, suggesting a nudge on ‘how to stay engaged and informed without becoming super stressed and despairing’.

Knowing to get quiet

I found myself replying that I know I’m no good to anyone if I’m too stirred up. So, best I can, I try and get quiet, calm my mind, and then see what comes to me from that quieter space where our innate wisdom and wellbeing resides. And just knowing that, and knowing how powerful my own thinking is in creating my feelings of stress, is enough to settle me down. Then, in a more settled state of mind, there’s more headspace for fresh thoughts to come to me … for seeing something new as I described in my last nudge.

I also remind myself that we all have access to that quieter space and wisdom, which is living us, and that gives me hope that, even in the worst of circumstances, people’s innate wisdom and resilience is working away for them too.

Understanding the nature of Thought = greater compassion

I’ve yet to meet anyone who can know – let alone control – the next thought they will have, but that’s not a problem when you understand the nature of Thought. I’ve met a lot of people, including me, who can innocently make up a heaven or hell with their thinking about a Thought. But knowing that Thought has no inherent meaning until we breath life into it means that no longer looks like a good idea. Or to use a metaphor I share in my work, you can keep poking yourself in the eye with a blunt pencil, or you can just put down the pencil.

Seeing that life happens, but that it’s our own, innocent thinking about life that creates our experience and personal reality has also led to much greater understanding and compassion for people. Knowing that it is only human for us all to have different views that we might not like or agree with, and get caught up in our own personal thinking, means I catch myself more quickly before I react or make judgements. And knowing that feels more important than ever in the current times of ‘you’re wrong, I’m right’ discourse, and polarised or differing views that abound.

Quiet is found in the present moment

There are plenty of times when of course I still get caught up in my thinking, but then I know, as I said above, that stirred up feeling is my signal to quieten my mind as best I can. I’ve found there is an immediate quiet in the present moment when we’re neither thinking back through past thoughts, or imagined futures, but just being in the now, the quiet – and deeper wisdom – is so much more available.

I hope this has been a helpful nudge. As always, please don’t take my word for it, see what rings true for you.

All the very best for now

Tamsin

My focus this year has been helping people to live in a nicer feeling. So if that resonates here’s some ways to do that.

1 Sign up to my Living in the Flow mini course, a series of seven short nudges to help you live more in the moment and less in your thoughts – see it as a quiet moment to clear your mind and set you up for your day.

“Looking back now, I can see how far I’ve come; how much easier and less stressful life has become living in the flow. I’ve moved from problem-focused, frustrating indecision and procrastination to easy, dynamic, motivated flow in all aspects of me and what I love to be and do.” Cathy, Gloucestershire, UK

2 Free up your time and headspace

– a free 30 minutes call to get a fresh perspective, and how that can change things for the better.

3 Live an easier, more peaceful life

– invest a little time in you to create a whole new relationship with your thoughts, and give you greater freedom and peace of mind (2 spots available).

It is hard to believe it’s the first day of summer in the UK today, and I know I’m not alone in thinking that time is flying this year. It’s been a busy last few months for my sister and me helping our Ma move out of our family home after 45 years … and my tip to anyone who might have a move coming up is start now!?

Seeing something new

I’ve been meaning to write a nudge for a while, and inspiration struck earlier this week when I learnt a new word ‘eclaircissement’, which was the winning word in a spelling competition in the US that was on the news. I’m glad I’m writing it not trying to pronounce it! Intrigued by what it meant I looked up the meaning, and saw it was a french-derived word synonymous with enlightenment. Or as other dictionary definitions described it a ‘clearing up of something obscure’, or ‘the state of understanding something’.

It immediately made me think of the understanding about Thought I share in my work, and our innate capacity for fresh insights … for seeing something new, which my gut tells me is so desperately needed in the current turbulent times.

So, a bit like the image above in the photo staring out to sea, which for me just engenders that spacious feeling of quieter reflection we can slip into when we have less on our mind, I sat with the question ‘what have I been seeing new?’

Listening without judgement is more important than ever

As I’ve written about in previous nudges, listening with nothing on our minds can feel like an elusive state. Listening with an open mind has a completely different feel to it … not to make judgements, evaluate or get our point across, but to get a feel for others’ worlds. For instance, in my work, I spend very little time focusing on the content of a conversation, and far more listening for the person’s own innate wellbeing and wisdom knowing that is always there just beneath any noisy thinking. When people feel really listened to, free of the idea that there’s something wrong with them, or they need to change in some way, they get a different feeling too, and from there tend to see new possibilities and options for themselves.

Knowing how well we work makes all the difference

When people see how well they naturally work, and get a new understanding of how we create our experience, they often tell me it’s life changing. And all I’m ever doing is sharing what I’ve come to see to be true for all of us … that we work inside out rather than outside in. Thought not our circumstances creates our experience, and as Thought is fluid and ever changing, so is our moment to moment experience. Pointing people towards this nature of Thought, rather than what they might personally think, opens up a space for them to get new perspectives, see something new. Absolutely life happens, but our experience of it is up to us depending on our own individual thinking, the meanings we give to things and where we put our attention.

I’m reminded of the saying ‘we may not be able to control the wind, but we can adjust our sails’, which is such a good metaphor for how Thought works.

Seeing your innate wellbeing and wisdom

And the other thing people usually have a sense of, even if it can be hard to put into words, is seeing that we all have an innate wellbeing and wisdom that resides in us beyond anything that we think! The human capacity for amazing resilience even in the face of the most difficult of circumstances, or for fresh thoughts to come to us seemingly out of the blue that give us previously unseen answers or move us to act.

I’m sometimes asked what’s the difference between our personal thinking and wisdom. And the simple answer is wisdom comes with a different feeling … that knowing feeling that just feels right. Some describe it as more from their gut or their heart than their head. It often comes in a quieter headspace, when we just turn down the noise on our thinking, and give our minds a break. Or to use another metaphor, turn down the volume of the brass band playing in our head, and listen more for the quieter flute. And I know that can seem so hard to do when we’re in the midst of a thought storm, but gets so much easier when we know what to listen for.

I hope you have a lovely Sunday, and maybe a little quiet time to reflect on this nudge, and see something new for you.

All the very best for now

Tamsin

My focus this year is helping people to live in a nicer feeling. So if that resonates, and you’re drawn to the idea of living with less pressure, more living in the moment, and freeing up a heap of headspace and time in the process, here’s some ways to do that.

1 Sign up to my Living in the Flow insights series – you’ll receive a short, daily insight about living with less thinking over the next seven days … see it as a quiet moment to clear your mind and set you up for your day.

“Looking back now, I can see how far I’ve come; how much easier and less stressful life has become living in the flow. I’ve moved from problem-focused, frustrating indecision and procrastination to easy, dynamic, motivated flow in all aspects of me and what I love to be and do.” Cathy, Gloucestershire, UK

2 Taster ‘nudging’ conversation

– a free 30 minutes call to get a fresh perspective on how we create our experience, and how that can change things for the better.

3 Transformational nudging package

– invest a little time in you to create a whole new relationship with your thoughts, and give you greater freedom and peace of mind (3 spots available).