It’s been a while since my last nudge! I hope you’re doing well despite the times we’re living through.
Given a lot of the news is less than cheerful, I hope this photo of my sister and her husband’s new cocker spaniel puppies, Finn and Paddy, will raise a smile or two – they arrived home yesterday and I suspect life will never be quite the same!?
How to worry less
I was thinking about what might be most helpful for my nudge today, and since I’m coming across a lot of people who are experiencing worry and anxious thinking, I wanted to share some thoughts on this.
As an expression my Pa used to share goes “worry is a bit like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere“.
Thinking is very different to overthinking
The number one thing I see in my work is the better people get at noticing when they’ve started to go from thinking about something to overthinking about it, and take a pause to slow down, the better they instantly feel. Simply put, there’s the thinking you’ll naturally have about a situation or issue that’s on your mind, and then there’s all the overthinking you can start to layer on top about it – and it’s so often that which causes the worry to build.
Probably the top three reasons that come up for this are a need to be in control to create certainty for ourselves – especially in times of change – fear of the unknown, and the habit of rushing headlong into imagined futures rather than just being in life with what is.
1 The myth of control
I have some great conversations about this because as much as we all might like the feeling of being in control, and can make up all kinds of scenarios in an attempt to give ourselves a sense of certainty from that, there is so much when it boils down to it that we don’t control, or is just not up to us. And the key is that that’s okay … we don’t have to be in control for life to go well. I’ve seen time and time again, that life can have other ideas that work out far better than we could have imagined, and no amount of advance worrying and preparation make a difference.
As John Lennon said “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans” and I have so come to see the truth in that!
2 Fear of the unknown
Now that I’m less concerned with the need to control outcomes, I get far less gripped by the fear of the unknown. I just see this as old patterns of conditioning, a means to protect ourselves when we’re going through changing times, or moving out of our comfort zones. Yes change can feel uncomfortable, but it only lasts as long as we’re thinking about it, and as our minds quieten down and we get fresh thought and clarity we invariably just know what to do next.
3 Life as it is vs imagined futures
Have you ever noticed that the more your mind is stirred up the greater the tendency for you to imagine all kinds of unhelpful, negative or worse case scenarios that never or rarely show up? In a calmer state of mind, it’s usually much easier to see the fact of a situation or issue – life as it is – and let go of the resistance we have about something occurring.
If we don’t like something that’s happening we can keep stirring the pot by coming up with all kinds of ‘what if’ scenarios, or made up thinking about what x or y means, or we can just stop. Put another way, it’s like poking yourself in the eye with a blunt pencil and wondering why it’s hurting, you can carry on or you can just put down the pencil.
That’s my nudge for today, and I do hope it helps if, as and when you find yourself starting to worry.
Have a lovely weekend, and all the very best for now
Tam