It’s now been over two months since I left my houseboat to move back to my family home just prior to the lockdown, and it’s hard to believe we’re already half way through May now! For me, working from home is nothing new, but I know for many this has been a whole new ball game, and I hope, if you’re in that position, that you are managing as well as possible.
I’ve been thinking what would be a useful ‘nudge’ for these times, and this morning it came to me that since we’re all navigating varying levels of stress and uncertainty right now, what might make that easier? The following five observations came to mind, some of which I shared in my recent webinar, together with questions to ponder, which I explore more deeply with people in my virtual coaching sessions.
No. 1 – real versus imagined fears
We probably all know the definition of fear that’s often bandied about – ‘False Evidence Appearing Real’. Well boy has that never been more the case than now! I totally appreciate why for all kinds of reasons … not least the impact the current situation is having on our usual levels of security.
That said, there is a big difference between what constitutes real versus imagined fears, and depending on where you are on that spectrum will have a direct effect on how you feel and thus act. So, if your imagination is running riot with all sorts of scary thoughts, it’s likely you’re feeling more anxious or stressful than someone who might naturally still have fearful thinking at times, but sees this for what it is … just part of the ancient survival mode of being human, and not something to take too seriously (aka the good news is … there are no tigers around these days …).
Question to ponder: “how do you decide on which thoughts to believe or not …?”
No 2 – busy being busy versus going where my energy takes me
This has been such an eye opener for me in recent years. Having changed from someone who used to wear busyness as a badge of honour to seeing that there is a natural momentum to life, and, as far as possible, following that rather than my self imposed take on what I ‘should’ be doing. (Often driven by made up, fearful thinking!)
This means instead of living in a permanent state of busyness and endless ‘to do’ lists, I simply go where my energy takes me, and do the next thing that occurs to me, or makes sense in the moment. Put another way, I follow inspired rather than forced action. This is not only a much nicer way to live, it frees up an inordinate amount of time, and I get so much more done!
Question to ponder: “What thoughts are you currently buying into that prevent you living like this?”
No 3 – the myth that we need to set timescales to get things done
I used to be big on setting timescales to achieve my goals or complete things I needed or wanted to do. Part of me believed that was the only way to motivate me to get things done, but gosh was it a stressful way to live!
These days, I’ve come to see that deadlines are only ever valuable as a way to help me indulge my fearful thinking less. Because whatever our view is on managing our time, there is always a natural timing to things when it just feels more enjoyable, and easier to follow through on what needs to be done. I now see that life has its own timing, and the more comfortable we can get with that, the easier and more enjoyable life gets.
Question to ponder: “Are there some days when you’re running to stand still, but feel you’ve achieved very little, and others where you seem to achieve way more, and yet you’re not sure how that happened?”
No 4 – worrying about the future versus living in the moment
This is an obvious one, but living in the moment has never seemed more important than now. Now that there’s been so much change over which we have little control (if we ever did have …). In other words, no amount of future projecting, or worry about the future, would have altered what’s currently happening. There is only living in the moment. And as for worrying, as my Pa used to share in a fitting phrase: “Worry is a bit like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere!”
When we’re living in the moment, in our life, rather than in our thinking, there is invariably no stress or uncomfortable feelings to be handled.
Question to ponder: “Right now, in this very moment, outside of your thinking, are you okay?”
No 5 – from a quieter mind, answers come so much more easily
Just noticing this is a game changer. While your mind is stirred up, it leaves no room for your quieter wisdom, or common sense, to come through. Much like how a snow globe works, when you stop shaking it, the picture inside appears so much more clearly.
The same is the case with thoughts. I’ve yet to meet someone who can control their thoughts (despite all the self help advice to the contrary …). What I’ve found is that thoughts will come in at the same speed and frequency as they always have, but, if left alone, will pass through, leaving room for a better thought. If it feels uncomfortable, that’s the sign your thinking is off track. We innocently believe it’s our circumstances that cause this, but I’ve come to see that we’re always living in the feeling of our thinking about our circumstances, which is what causes our upset, and when you get even a glimpse of this, it makes the world of difference.
Question to ponder: “Thinking back to any big decisions you’ve made in your life, were they answered through overthinking, or rather a knowing feeling that felt right when your mind was calmer?”
That’s it for now. I hope these observations provide helpful food for thought.
All the very best
Tamsin
PS Invitation … I’m holding a follow up webinar to my recent one on ‘Boosting Mental Immunity’ next Wednesday 20 May at 6.30pm on Zoom, where I’ll be sharing more about these observations. Loosely titled “Life after Lockdown – dropping old thoughts and embracing the new”. We had a great webinar the last time, so I do hope you’ll join us. Just hit reply and I’ll send you the link to join. And any questions, do just ask!