Just winding down for the holidays, and loving the Christmas tree at home this year!

I want to wish you a really happy, relaxing and peaceful holidays, and also thank you for being a part of my nudgeme world. In these days of everyone fighting for our attention, I really appreciate the time you spend with me.

I hope you have got something out of my nudges during the year and found them useful.

Gentle nudge …

My gentle nudge going into the holidays would be simply this.

To remember that we are all doing the very best we can with the level of thinking that looks real to us in any moment … until it doesn’t. (Aka cut yourself and the people you love some slack.)

And to trust in that deeper part inside all of us where our innate wisdom resides, and is always working away for us … even in those times when stressful situations, or worry for loved ones, might be causing us to feel otherwise.

That wisdom, or intelligence of our true nature, is constantly providing us with a never ending source of fresh thought, creativity and resilience. And, as I’ve come to know, comes through more easily when our minds are quieter.

So when your thinking starts to get stirred up or triggered over the holidays, I find it comforting to see there is only one thing to remember. Give your thinking some space to settle down, and, in that space, you’ll allow for better, wiser thought to come through, which invariably leads to knowing just what to do.

All best wishes for now.

Tamsin

PS Look forward to being in touch again in 2020 about my new e.book of nudges for living more in your life and less in your thoughts in the new decade! I’ll be launching my virtual book club for it, probably kicking off around 20 January, and promise, not a New Year’s resolution in sight!

PPS I am even more conscious this year that Christmas (and other holidays celebrated) are not always the easiest of times. If you are struggling at the minute, my hope is this nudge will provide some comfort, and perhaps a new perspective for experiencing a different relationship with your thoughts. I share more on this in a short e.mail series of nudges here, which you might find helpful.

The intelligence of nature

I heard a wonderful radio interview recently with a woman who runs a large farm here in the UK. She was describing how she had taken the decision to stop traditional farming methods to cultivate part of her land and, instead, turn it over to nature.

Much to the consternation of her neighbours, the land became quickly overrun by thistles, which spread and spread. Just as she was seriously questioning her decision, and finding it hard not to intervene, the most amazing thing happened. She woke up one morning to see thousands of butterflies feeding off the thistles and doing their thing.

This so reminded me of the amazing intelligence of nature, and the capacity for something beautiful to be created out of nowhere.

Living from that same intelligence

So often I think we can see ourselves as not being part of that same intelligence, almost like nature is somehow separate from us. When in fact, I’ve come to see, the exact opposite.

That when we too are coming from our true nature, we can tap into that same innate capacity for intelligence or wisdom, which is in all of us. For me that manifests as that ‘knowing’ feeling, beyond the intellect, when something just comes to you, often out of the blue, which is just right for whatever situation or circumstance you’re living through.

But, so often we get in our own way in our impatience to speed things up, or desire to be in control or have certainty. And much like this woman who so nearly interfered in nature taking its course on her land, we interfere through overthinking, worrying, stressing or endlessly debating what we perceive as being an issue or problem.

So, my Friday nudge is if you’re experiencing any kind of struggle or situation that’s causing you stress (and let’s face it in a week off an election here in the UK, I know a fair few people who have concerns …) then just stop for a moment and let your mind settle down. Turn over your thinking to your innate intelligence, and in that quieter space, see what new insights occur.

In my experience, we are naturally designed for new insight, and when we look more in the direction of our true nature and the unknown, versus what we already know and our intellect, much like those butterflies, amazing things come about.

Have a lovely weekend.

PS I’ve written a short book with some big insights into how we can live more from this intelligence. I’ll be launching a virtual book club to share it in the New Year! So if kicking off a new decade free of busyness and stress sounds good, then look out for more info to follow!

I just love the light and colours of a crisp Autumn Day!

Autumn also makes me think of letting go of the old and allowing for the new to come in.

Which immediately reminds me of forgiveness especially in relationships, which I’ve seen a good few people struggling with recently … I shared a version of the following on my Instagram page and wanted to share it in a nudge too.

Accepting life as it is …

I recall a phrase on forgiveness (I believe it originated from Oprah) that “forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different than it actually was”. That took me a while to get, but now it totally resonates. So often it’s our own thoughts and resistance to something that keep us stuck and experiencing stress, when in the letting go we leave room for fresh thought and thus better feeling perspectives to come in.

… and not making it worse than it is

Of course, there’s the incident, or what has or hasn’t been said in a relationship, or whatever it is that’s occurred, and then there’s all the layers of thinking we can have about it. All those ifs, buts, shoulds and whys that have a habit of taking us over. All completely understandable, especially the closer the bond. And yet this invariably ends up as a conversation we have only with ourselves, attaching all kinds of meaning(s), which often only serve to make it worse than it is.

State of mind and seeing people with fresh eyes

What I have also found is how our own state of mind plays out in how we relate to each other in relationships. Sometimes, in a lower mood, it can prove so much harder to get past whatever we’re feeling, and yet once our mood lifts, things often look different. The more our own mind settles down, the more room there is for clarity and better thinking to flow.

And seeing this can be so valuable in helping to see a person or relationship with fresh eyes. Just because someone does something we might not like in one moment – possibly because of the head space they (or we … ) were in at the time – does not mean they (or we … ) will feel the same in another moment when we’re both in different head spaces.

Do you want to be right or happy?

Finally, a question I often ask in my work is “do you want to be right or happy?” and you’d be surprised how often that shifts things along …!

If you’re going through any kind of relationship or communication struggles right now, I hope this nudge helps move things on for the better.

I hope you had a lovely summer if you’re UK based … I can’t quite believe it’s already the beginning of October.

I’ve ended September on a very sad note for me and my family with the sudden death of my dear uncle, my Pa’s younger brother. So, to be honest, I haven’t felt much like writing newsletters, and have been in what can best be described as ‘hibernatory’ mode.

As I write that, there’s a small part of me thinking should I be sharing that information, might it be depressing for you to read? But then a much larger part that feels right to share openly about real life so to speak, without over censoring myself.

Living through difficult times

I decided to look up what I was writing to you about this time a year ago, and, spookily, it was a nudge about living through difficult times. I found it interesting to re-read what I wrote now through the filter of what’s currently going on.

As you’ll know from my nudges, I share a lot about a new understanding of the nature of thought and how we create our experience. How we are always living in the feeling of our thinking, not our circumstances. And how we all have access to an innate wisdom that’s always working away for us, even if it might not feel like it sometimes.

Living in the flow

I refer to this understanding as living more in the flow (of life) and less in our heads.

Well, I can safely say that living in the flow has been definitely tested in the past few weeks.

But, that said, what I also know is if I did not have this understanding of the nature of thought and how it works, I would be feeling a whole lot more anxious than I find myself now.

Yes, of course, as any of you will know who have experienced death, those waves of sadness are never far away. Yet I find it fascinating that life does just go on … almost like life continues to live me, regardless of the situation.

Thoughts continue to come and go, but the less I get caught up in their content, the quicker they pass through. That, and just seeing we all have access to an inner wisdom and resilience beyond all our personal thinking, has helped me to navigate this time so much better than I once might have.

So, I can report that last year’s nudge on living through difficult times still rings true. Living in the flow might not give us a ‘get out of jail free’ card, but it does enable us to handle life’s more difficult moments with more grace and less suffering. And my dear wish is that all of us can experience more of that.

The key to better meetings and discussions

I had a meeting on my Marina this week (see photo above!), and after it struck me how much better meetings or discussions can be when you go into them with a clear and open mind.

And, even more importantly, I’ve come to see that the energy we bring to any interaction can make the world of difference.

So, after the meeting I grabbed my phone and shot this short video as thought it would be a useful nudge to share. Excuse the background noise from the radio! Proof that instead of overthinking the recording, I was just living in the flow of the moment, inspired to take action, which always feels so much nicer!

I hope you enjoy it and it sparks your own insights.

Personal thoughts v innate wisdom

This pic was taken on a glorious walk in the sunshine by the River last week. I spied this string of boats, and it made me think of a string of personal thoughts, and how each boat might represent a different emotion … but how all of the boats were riding on the same neutral River, which has no judgement.

Remembering that we all have access to that same neutrality or wisdom of mind underneath all and any personal thinking can be so comforting and uplifting!

We all know that life has its ups and downs, and that the downs can feel so very real while they’re occurring. But whether we’re having good or bad days, the River is still flowing underneath. And that’s always the case no matter how much we can get caught up in the weeds of our thinking to continue the analogy!

It’s something I’ve come to see as a universal truth, rather than a personal belief or idea. And the more I look in the direction of us all having access to this innate wisdom and wellbeing, part of our true nature, the more lovely life feels.

Living in the flow

Hence my term you’ll hear me use a lot ‘living in the flow’. Or put another way, living in the flow of life and less in our thoughts. Because when we are, we’re living from that quieter space of no thought within us. Like when you find yourself just being in the moment, or immersed in whatever it is you’re doing unconscious of anything else. THAT moment when you look at the clock and can’t believe where the time went.

Thoughts are no more real on bad days than good

With this understanding, I’ve come to see that thoughts are no more real on bad days than on good. Of course, nicer thoughts create nicer feelings. But they are simply a way that we humans have to experience life. We have no control over any thought in the moment it occurs.Thoughts will come and go regardless of whatever might be going on in our lives. I’ve yet to meet anyone who can tell me what their next thought is likely to be!?

Seeing that all our experience is created through thought, and not our circumstances, and that it’s thought that creates feelings in us – good or bad – has meant I have an entirely different relationship with my thoughts these days.

Left alone, personal thoughts will just naturally pass through, even the bad feeling ones, leaving room for fresh thought to come in. Seeing that transitory nature of thought, and knowing that nothing can ever touch the River of innate wellbeing and wisdom underneath all thoughts, frees me up from having to do very much about them, and makes for a much nicer way to experience life.

Have a lovely weekend, and enjoy the sunshine if you’re in the UK!

Tamsin

PS Often when I’m sharing about this understanding, people can get hung up on the words I’m using, or try to analyse what I’m saying. Of course, this just creates more noise in their headspace! Rather, my hope as you read this nudge is for you to see what occurs from your own wisdom in the moment … for you to get your own insights, which can feel more like a ring of truth rather than intellectual thought. I’m currently planning a webinar, working title ‘Living More of the Time in a Good Feeling‘ so we can share our insights and you can ask any questions you might have. We’ll be able to enjoy a conversation from the comfort of our own homes, so if you’d like to join me then do hit reply and I’ll keep you posted.

If you’d like to experience a different relationship with your thoughts then I share more in my Living in the Flow 7 day mini series of ‘nudges’. Just click on the link to receive the first one. This understanding has made the world of difference when it comes to replacing worry, anxiety and stress with a much greater peace and freedom of mind. But don’t take my word for it, check them out and see what rings true for you.

Seeing our sameness not the differences

Years ago, I lived in Hong Kong so it holds a special place in my heart. Watching the scenes on the UK news of ordinary people demonstrating there, I was so moved by the image of a single woman walking towards the bank of police firing rubber bullets and tear gas, and saying “You’re one of us, we are all Hong Kongers.”

What struck a chord, apart from the woman’s obvious courage, is that, for me, her words hold a truth and answer to not only the world’s troubles, but our own disagreements that can arise in individual relationships.

The more I’ve come to see how alike we all are at the level of how we work, the easier it is to see the sameness in people not the differences. As a result, I find myself getting less caught up in my personal thinking, or making snap judgements about how people or things should or shouldn’t be, as quickly as I once might have!

Put simply, seeing we all tick the same at our core, means we’re probably less likely to want to fight each other. Or at the very least, gives us a moment to pause before we react.

State of mind – more projector than camera

So, these days, I spend much more of my work time having conversations with people about the very nature of how our experience gets created, and the power of Thought (with a capital T), than I do suggesting different techniques or strategies for managing their thinking.

I often use the analogy of the mind working more like a projector than a camera. I could be in the same situation as another person, and yet we’ll both be experiencing it very differently depending on our own personal thoughts. Hence our mind projects what we’re thinking onto our circumstances (often with a whole bunch of special effects …) rather than capturing one, or the same, picture of reality.

When people start to see this, and how we’re only every living in the feeling of our thoughts, not our circumstances, and how that impacts our moment to moment state of mind, they often see whatever is occurring for them with fresh eyes. And just seeing that is enough to change everything.

Because instead of believing that x person is causing you to feel like you do, or x thing is the reason why something isn’t working in your life, and that’s why you’re in a lower state of mind, you start to see that it’s just thought in the moment. That nothing out there needs to change at all for you to start to feel better. Rather, your state of mind will naturally improve as your thoughts settle down, new thinking occurs and you see things with fresh eyes.

Watching wisdom in action

There’s a common sense, or wisdom, in all of us, which is also constantly playing out underneath all our noisy, personal thinking. I immediately felt it watching the woman calmly approaching the police barricades. I thought there’s no way she can be in her thoughts in this moment or she’d have been likely paralysed by fear.

No, rather I saw it was her innate wisdom coming through propelling her forward. That wisdom that comes from a deeper part in us that feels like a ‘knowing’ that goes beyond the intellect; that feeling when thought gets suspended and you just know what to do.

Looking in the direction of our sameness, and that we all have access to that innate wisdom or natural intelligence, has the potential to change so much. For not only is it comforting to know we can rely on that in difficult or uncertain times, but it gets easier to see when someone is caught up in their moment to moment thoughts, and thus take their behaviour less personally. Knowing that as their thinking changes, their behaviour will naturally change too, can save an awful lot of stress and time from getting caught up in the whys and wherefores.

So, your nudge for today is see what rings true for you as you’ve been reading, and how might this understanding of how we create our experience help you start to see a situation or person with fresh eyes.

Have a lovely weekend, and all the best for now.

Tamsin

PS My thoughts are with the people of Hong Kong at the minute, as well as friends still living there. If you, or anyone you know, is currently going through difficult or stressful times, or feel stuck in a pattern of thinking about a situation or person, please do pass this nudge along to them, and/or get in touch and let’s share a different conversation

What if it’s okay to not feel okay?

That phrase popped into my head this week. And, as it did, it immediately made me feel relaxed.

This past month has been Mental Health Awareness month in the UK, and there is so much out there that focuses on having to do something when you feel out of sorts. From strategies to think positively to meditation and mindfulness practices. And, if you saw the series on TV here of celebrities sharing their stories about depression and anxiety (including Nadiya, winner of The Great British Bake Off), Cognitive Behavioural Therapy – or CBT as it’s known – seems to be the go to therapy.

What if there is another way?

A different perspective on thought itself

What if we took a step back and looked at the very nature of thought, and how that creates our experience before we started prescribing techniques or strategies to deal with the content of whatever it is we’re thinking and thus feeling.

Living on the River I often refer to thought as just part of the ebb and flow of life, which is a good analogy for it. The definition for ebb and flow is “two phases of the tide or any similar movement of water.The ebb is the outgoing phase, when the tide drains away from the shore; and the flow is the incoming phase when water rises again”.

Living in the flow

It’s the same with thought. If left alone, all thought by its very nature will just come and go in the same way hence me referring to this new understanding as ‘Living in the Flow’. When we just let thoughts come and go and get on with living and being in the moment, rather than attaching all kinds of meanings and stories to them.

Of course, that doesn’t mean to say that thoughts can’t feel very real and uncomfortable at times, but when you see them for what they are, it opens up a space to let go of your thinking and for new thought to flow.

Feelings are our wake up call

Instead of doing anything next time you’re feeling uncomfortable, anxious or insecure, see it as a wake up call. Not to overthink or go into over analysis mode, but rather just a nudge that your thinking has gone off track. Nothing to do or worry about. And nothing to do with what’s happening externally in your situation or circumstances. Just a wake up call to leave your thinking alone.

Life goes on regardless of how we feel

And what’s wonderful about this new understanding is that life continues to live us regardless of how we’re feeling. It’s so often only our overthinking about anything and everything that causes our anxiety or stress. Where if we just see thought as neutral, let thoughts settle down, our natural state of mind will reset without doing anything at all.

When you see that’s just how the system works, you start to have a totally different relationship with your thoughts, and a greater sense of natural wellbeing that can’t be touched!

If you’d like to experience a different relationship with your thoughts then I share more insights in my Living in the Flow series of ‘nudges’. Just click on the link to receive the first one. This understanding has made the world of difference when it comes to replacing anxiety, stress and worry with a much greater peace and freedom of mind. But don’t take my word for it, check them out and see what rings true for you.

I’ve recently returned from a fantastic trip to Cape Town – my second home. This pic was taken from the airplane above the clouds, and it got me thinking about how different life can look from this perspective!

Thoughts are like clouds

I often use clouds as a metaphor to describe the nature of thought in my work.

Thoughts can seem so real at times, especially when people are feeling stressed, or stirred up in their thinking. But much like the weather and clouds, all thought is constantly changing, and will pass through if left alone. When people start to see just how transient and fluid thought really is, and that new, fresh thought is always available to them, they more quickly fall out of their thinking and into a calmer state of mind.

Bigger world beyond our personal thinking

I’ve also come to see that there’s a much bigger world beyond our own personal thinking. On the ground, it’s so easy to get caught up in the day to day minutiae of life. But when I’m on a flight, looking out at the vastness of the sky, nothing to do and nowhere to get to, I get a greater feeling of space and freedom of mind. It’s like the sky represents the infinite nature and potential of life. And from that perspective, it makes no more sense to get attached to or caught up in a particular thought, than it does to rail at a particular cloud passing by!

If you’d like to experience more freedom of mind and less overthinking, then I share more insights in my Living in the Flow series of ‘nudges’. Nothing to do, you’ll just receive a daily insight over the next 7 days. Just click the link to receive the first one.

That’s it for today. I’m spending Easter with my family, and looking forward to the warmer weather here in the UK. Whatever you’re doing, I hope you have a lovely long weekend too.

All the best for now

Tamsin

Happy 2019 … and some New Year reflections

I hope you had a wonderful break and New Year!

I’ve kicked off 2019 a little differently, starting with posting this pic of a New Year River walk on my Instagram feed and Facebook page, with the caption ‘Happy meandering New Year’!

The word ‘meandering’ had come to mind so I looked up the definition … ‘moving slowly in no particular direction‘ … no big new year’s resolutions, just a wonderful word that encaptures living more in the flow, and a simpler intention that feels so much nicer!

Hold up, a coach that’s advocating meandering, rather than setting fixed goals or making plans??

Well, yes and no! I’ve never been keen on resolutions as they don’t tend to work! I’m more for allowing a little time for reflection, creating some space for a clearer mind, room for new thought and ideas to naturally flow, and then following your quieter nudges that excite or inspire you … so happy meandering New Year!

Inspired action beats overthinking or planning hands down

I’ve come to see that there’s a natural momentum that starts to build with inspired action … we’re far more likely to follow through than when we’re forcing ourselves to act from a place of having to do something. That can so quickly result in getting busy, making ‘to do’ lists, and then beating ourselves up when we don’t stick to our plans or things don’t go our way.

A good example is thinking I should get my ‘nudge’ out. Instead of sweating it, I just trusted the inspiration would strike and here it is getting written.

‘If I’m making a cake and it fails it becomes a pudding …‘

In the spirit of meandering this morning, inspiration came in the form of a YouTube video I was drawn to where three 100+ year olds shared their experiences of life.

I just LOVE the quote above from one of them describing making a cake. It’s such a good example of doing something he enjoys, but with no attachment to how it works out. Rather than any overthinking or pressure, he just immediately sees things in a lighthearted way. And THAT’s exactly what I’m wanting us to experience more of this year.

There are some other lovely stories and wisdom in this short video, which inspired me this morning, and I hope they inspire you too!

Last year, back in the summer, I ran ‘100 Days to Create Something Miraculous‘ – a chance to choose something you’d love to create in your life that would feel miraculous for you if it happened.

The whole idea was less about focusing on outcomes, and way more about learning new ways to approach things, opening up to new possibilities and seeing new things about yourself, from a completely different energy. Not another thing for your ‘to do list’! No over planning, pushing, stressing or striving, but the opportunity to play with an idea, see what occurs, feels fun, enjoyable and exciting with nothing on it. Moving past all the “but what ifs….to why not?”

The feedback I got was wonderful and has convinced me more than ever of the benefits to be gained from Living more in the Flow.

Like Billie who was keen to create more time in her life …

“The one thing I have experienced that has helped me so very much is the need to live in the moment. I tend to always delay things that I don’t want to do and then overthink them and worry about them. If you just get on and do the task, it is never as bad as the overthinking makes it out to be. It also saves you so much time to enjoy moments without to do lists and tasks hanging over your head. Already I have stopped letting thoughts control me and am doing things as and when they come, and also switching off and living the important moments.“

And Andrea who no longer feels the need to over plan …

“I have learned that there is no need to overthink and over plan a project or idea. By going with the flow I have experienced that new thoughts and avenues miraculously open up themselves. I have gained the insight not to look too far into the future and rather live more in the here and now and enjoy the journey rather than look to the outcome. Things seem to have a way of working themselves out, sometimes in a way you could not have foreseen anyway.“

I’d love you to consider joining us this year. To kick off, I’ve created a series of ‘nudges’ to whet your appetite. Nothing to do, you’ll just receive a daily insight over the next 7 days sharing some ideas about what Living in the Flow means in practice. Just click the link to receive the first one in your inbox!

That’s it for today – consider yourself nudged until the next time!