We finally had some lovely sunshine here in the UK this week, just in time to be able to meet friends and loved ones again in an outdoor space. I spent time with my twin sister, and this is the blossom tree in the front of her garden!

We also both had our first vaccination jabs, and I take my hat off to all the people involved. Everyone was so friendly from the people directing us as we arrived to those taking our details and the nurses giving us the jab, it all went smoothly and quickly and I feel very grateful.

The results are in … wellbeing resides inside

Thanks so much to those of you who replied to my last nudge and straw poll on wellbeing. It was so interesting to read your responses.

In short, most people felt that their wellbeing resides inside them.

As one person said: “Has to be inside otherwise it’s too unstable.”

For me, that seems to be at the very core of what makes the difference for people’s mental health. Because if it seems like wellbeing depends on something external having to look a certain way, or a feeling of needing to control our circumstances or other people before we can feel okay, then inevitably that’s likely to give rise to feelings of insecurity, especially during changing times.

Trusting in our wellbeing

So if our wellbeing resides inside us, why can it feel harder to access in challenging times? I think the answer lies in the understandable human trait of looking outside ourselves in an effort to give ourselves certainty when life starts to feel uncomfortable. But what if that’s just a case of looking in the wrong direction? And instead of looking to external circumstances, or others, to give us our sense of wellbeing, we rather look inside ourselves and trust that it resides within.

There’s evidence all around us right now of people’s inner wellbeing and resilience at play, regardless of all that’s going on. And that’s why I spend my time these days nudging people towards their inner wellbeing, which I’ve come to see is innate and naturally in us all. It gives us a solid foundation to stand on…a ‘mental immunity’ if you like…and when we live more from that place, can make for a much less stressful experience of life.

Easier to access in nature

Spending time out in nature was also mentioned a lot in people’s responses to me for where they felt their wellbeing more. This makes perfect sense to me as so often that’s when we have less on our minds, and for me, it’s experiencing that spaciousness outside that opens up greater access to that quieter space of wellbeing and peace of mind inside.

That feels like a hopeful message on which to end, and to wish you a very happy Easter and relaxing break.

All the very best for now

Tamsin

PS I’m currently planning some one to one and group options to help people live more from their wellbeing, which I’ll be sharing soon. If you’re interested to know more now, then just drop me an email and I’ll let you have more details.

It’s been a while since my last nudge, and I hope life’s as good as possible in the current times. I can’t believe Easter is around the corner, and we’re still only now gradually coming out of lockdown in the UK!?

A question came to me this morning on the back of hearing the phrase ‘outsourcing our wellbeing’, and I wanted to send a nudge about it, partly to share what I see, and partly to get your take on it through a quick straw poll.

And the question is:

“Where do you think your wellbeing resides?”

With all the current talk about the inevitability of a mental health pandemic following on the back of the physical one, the answer to that question feels so important.

For me, I’ve come to see that our wellbeing is innate, resides inside me and cannot be damaged, or taken away, by anything external. And because of that I see we all have a natural resilience we can count on, which doesn’t depend on outside circumstances having to change or look a certain way.

That’s not to say I’m disregarding, or don’t appreciate, all the very real struggles and pain and loss that so many people have, and are still going through, on a daily basis. It just means coming from that perspective on life gives me the feeling of always standing on solid ground. And from that place, life feels lighter and easier and more hopeful than it otherwise might.

The implications of this are huge. Because if I imagine that my wellbeing lies somewhere outside of me my approach to life would be so different. And believe you me it was very different when I used to live in a world that x, y z had to happen before I felt okay. Or I could only feel happy when someone else changed or behaved a different way…all of which I think the phrase ‘outsourcing our wellbeing’ seems to imply.

So, I’ve created a quick straw poll below, and I’m really interested to hear your thoughts on this question, and any insights that come to mind for you when you think about your own wellbeing. Just click here with your chosen response. (It goes without saying, all responses will be treated in confidence.)

Question: “Where do you think your wellbeing resides?”

Answer: A inside me
B externally
C not sure
D other (please describe)

Please share any thoughts or insights that come to mind for you when you think about this question, or your own wellbeing. And if you have any questions, ask away and I’ll come back to you. I really appreciate your help, and thanks so much.

I’ll be sure to feedback what I find in a future nudge.

I look forward to hearing from you, and have a great weekend.

All the best

Tamsin

What a year this has been … or as a meme doing the rounds on social media put it on a photo for the Queen’s speech “Well, where do we (______fill in the blank) start?”

Last night, my Ma, sister and I started with a round of counting our blessings. The first things that came to mind, in no particular order, were:

Freedom to make choices, loving family who we are happy to spend time with, homes with comfy beds and running water, food and drink, our health, and the ability to learn and experience new things.

I thought it was so interesting that if the current times have taught us anything, it is to be consciously appreciative of what really matters, and what I know, I for one, can sometimes take for granted.

This was especially front of mind having seen the queues of hauliers and lorry drivers stuck in Dover here in the UK unable to leave their cabs, or have access to basic facilities. My heart really does go out to them and their families, as well as all families that are unable to be with their loved ones this Christmas.

Two other reflections come to mind, which I feel are big pluses to be grateful for.

1 The slowing down of our usually hectic, busy, fast paced lives

I’ve come to know for a long while now that the less sped up our thinking is internally the calmer life looks on the outside, whatever is occurring. And the benefits to that are countless. Not least the more I spend time in the present – and I mean really in the present moment – rather than caught up in past events, or future predicting, the easier it is to navigate the current constant change and challenges with greater ease and grace.

2 Seeing the incredible resilience in people

I share a lot in my work about the innate wellbeing and resilience that naturally resides in all of us, and cannot be taken away.

Seeing the unbreakable human spirit at work in the many acts of kindness and caring that have been shown in so many communities and across all walks of life, gives me cause to feel hopeful rather than downbeat.

At the same time, that is not to downplay in any way the very real challenges and fears people have. If there’s another thing I’ve learnt this year, it’s the difference that acknowledging these can make to people. And the importance of listening … to give people a chance to share their feelings about both the ups and downs they’re going through. Not to change or fix them, just to really listen and be there for them.

So, those are my reflections for now. Here’s to happy, and peaceful holidays wherever you are, and whoever you are with. I look forward to seeing you on the other side.

I hope you’re doing as well as possible in these current times.

This photo of the rugged coastline and sea views in North Cornwall never fails to inspire, and I missed going on our usual family holiday this September. There’s something about the never changing nature of this view, which I’ve always found comforting and prompted today’s nudge!

Innate wellbeing is constant

I can’t seem to turn on the computer or tv, listen to the radio, or read a paper right now without reference to people’s mental wellbeing, and the idea that this can somehow be damaged, or taken away, by the circumstances we’re living through. Often the focus is then placed on all the things we can do to help protect ourselves against this happening.

I’ve come to see that we all have an innate wellbeing that is neither dependent on anything external, nor can it be touched by our personal thinking. It resides within us, and, much like that Cornish coastline, remains ever constant no matter what life’s challenges.

Seeing that doesn’t mean not experiencing uncomfortable thoughts about how our lives are being affected. It means having all those thoughts, but knowing that nothing can touch or take away our wellbeing.

Natural resilience

Our natural resilience goes hand in hand with our wellbeing, and we’ve seen this in all forms over the past months.

Looking more towards the constant nature of our innate wellbeing and natural resilience is so reassuring, and makes for a much kinder and easier way to navigate these times.

Wow where did July go? I spent a lot of it helping my twin sister and her husband pack up our home of 26 years, and boy if there was ever a case for de-clutter as you go, that proved it!?

A new path

Sad to shut the door on so many happy memories, but onwards and upwards as my Pa used to say!

It reminded me of an Instagram post I shared recently about following your own path, prompted by the pic I took above.

This lovely, natural break in the field reminded me of how strange it is that we ever think we must stay stuck on one path (or even in a particular house or moment in time) when the choices open to us are endless.

Always a better thought

Change can so often bring up all our insecurities and fears about the unknown. And yet the only thing that stops us embracing the moment is believing a thought that says we can’t handle it, or beliefs around needing to control what comes next … all just thought … and there’s always a better thought waiting to flow through if we let it. And it always does if we just get out of our own way, let our minds settle down and let life do its thing.

That’s my nudge for this scorching Friday if you’re in the UK!

Have a lovely weekend, and a great end of July Friday and start of August weekend.

All the best for now

Tamsin

PS If you’re currently feeling worried or stressed by these changing times we’re living through, then here’s a couple of nudges from the archives, which I hope you’ll find helpful.

A nudge about the way we think

What if it’s okay to not feel okay?